love – Men's Small Group Blog

What Men Really Want

If you’re a married man with kids, have you ever stopped to think about what you really want out of life? Sure, career success, physical health, and financial security matter, but when you strip it all down, what’s at the core of your desires?

Most men, whether they say it outright or not, deeply long for three things:

1. Emotional Connection with Your Wife

It’s easy to assume that what you want in marriage is respect, admiration, or even submission. But underneath all of that, what you’re truly seeking is emotional connection. You want a wife who sees you, understands you, and walks with you through life—not just physically, but emotionally as well. The happiest marriages aren’t just built on teamwork; they’re built on deep, genuine connection.

2. Adult Children Who Like You

Raising kids isn’t just about making sure they turn out good—it’s about raising them into adults you enjoy being around and who want to be around you. Think about it: What greater joy is there than seeing your grown children choose to come back home, not because they have to, but because they want to? That kind of relationship is built through years of intentional love, wisdom, and grace.

3. Respect and Honor in Your Church and Community

Not everyone will hold a leadership title, but every man can live in a way that earns the respect of his church and community. True eldership isn’t about status—it’s about wisdom, faithfulness, generosity, and humility. The men who are most respected are those who have poured themselves into others, led with integrity, and served with a heart like Christ’s.

The Path to These Desires

So, how do you achieve these three things? The answer isn’t found in chasing personal success or worldly achievements—it’s found in following Jesus and living a Christ-centered life.

Think about the men you admire, those who have strong, lasting marriages, kids who love them, and a reputation of wisdom and faith in the community. What do they have in common? You’ll find that they prioritize faith, relationships, and service over self-interest.

The good news? It’s never too late to start.

Discussion Questions

Do you agree that the “secret” to satisfying the basic desires above is found in following Jesus and living a Christ-centered life.
Which of the three desires (marriage, children, community) resonates most with you right now? Why?
What are some practical ways you can strengthen your emotional connection with those closest to you?
What kind of relationship do you hope to have with your children when they’re adults? What steps can you take now to cultivate that?
What is one small, intentional step you can take this week to build a legacy of faith, love, and respect?

When Enough is Enough: Overcoming Envy with Gratitude

Have you ever watched a group of toddlers playing with toys? Often, one of them will be perfectly happy until they see another child playing with a different toy, and suddenly they want that one too. It’s a simple example of something we all struggle with at times: envy. We might have something good in our lives, but when we look at what someone else has, it’s tempting to feel like what we have isn’t enough.

This longing for what others have—whether it’s material things, relationships, or success—can lead us down a dangerous path. Instead of focusing on the blessings God has already provided, we fix our attention on what we lack. Our thoughts become filled with comparison, dissatisfaction, and envy. Much like the child who wants both toys, we often don’t realize that in grasping for more, we can lose sight of the joy of what we already have.

In Exodus 20:17, we are told: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” This commandment reminds us that the habit of always wanting more can pull us away from the contentment that God desires for us.

God has even wired this into our brains through something psychologists call the Reticular Activating System (RAS), which helps filter what we notice in the world around us. If we’re constantly focused on what we don’t have, our RAS will keep showing us those gaps, making us feel like we’re always missing out.

But when we choose to focus on gratitude and the blessings God has given us, our RAS shifts to help us see more of the good in our lives. We start to notice God’s provision, and our hearts move toward peace and contentment.

I have seen it in my own life and believe with my full heart that when we show gratitude for what we do have (vs. envying others’ things), that’s when God feels like He can trust us with more blessings – not necessarily material things but whatever it is that He knows we need most.

When we stop fixating on what others have in their possession and instead focus on God’s goodness, we make room for growth. Our journey moves in the right direction—toward what God has planned for us.

Do you agree that comparing ourselves to others often leads to dissatisfaction?
If you are comfortable sharing, in what ways do you find yourself comparing your life to others, and how does that impact your relationship with God?
What are some blessings in your life that you might be overlooking because you’re focused on what you don’t have?
What is one step can you take this week to realign your focus toward God and away from envy?

The Greatest Commands: Love God, Love People

At the heart of Jesus’ teachings is a simple but powerful truth: love is the most important thing. We hit this topic every 2-3 year to keep it fresh and remind us of THE primary calling of Christians.

When asked what the greatest commandment was, Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. And love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39).

That’s it….no parable or hidden message…just love God and love people. And I could make an argument that, in this context, the next verse (40) is the most important verse in the Bible – Jesus followed the statement above by saying “All the law and prophets hang on these two commands.”

That basically means that every single other lesson or idea is secondary in importance to these two rules. Another way to look at it is that everything we are fundamentally called to do as Christians in some way or another must be directly tied to loving God and people.

Loving God First

Loving God means putting Him at the center of our lives. It’s more than just going to church or saying prayers—it’s about making God our top priority. This love is shown in how we trust Him, how we spend time with Him, and how we let His Word shape our choices.

Loving Others as Ourselves

Right after calling us to love God, Jesus tells us to love others. But this love isn’t just about being polite or helpful. It’s about loving people the way we should love ourselves—with grace, understanding, and empathy. Whether it’s our family, friends, coworkers, or even strangers, Jesus calls us to see people through His eyes.

This type of love is in the small acts of kindness, listening when someone needs to talk, and showing patience even when it’s difficult. It’s about being intentional in how we treat those around us.

Putting Love Into Action

Jesus didn’t just talk about love—He lived it. From healing the sick to laying down His life, His love was active. And He calls us to do the same. Whether it’s serving someone in need or offering a kind word, love is shown in what we do, not just in what we say.

At the end of the day, love is the foundation of everything we do as followers of Christ. It’s what sets us apart and what brings us closer to God and each other.

Questions:

God doesn’t “need” our love, so why do you think Jesus said this is the most important thing?
It is stated above that Matthew 22:40 is arguably the most important verse in the Bible. Agree or disagree, and why?
How well do you love yourself and do you believe that truly loving yourself is foundational to loving others?
Why does it seem so easy to fall into negativity and conflict, yet so challenging to build a cycle of love, support, and encouragement with certain people?
1 Corinthians 13:4 starts with “Love is patient…”. Do you believe patience was listed first because it is the most important element of loving others?