Men's Small Group Blog

Why would we discuss happiness in a Christian Men’s group? After all, the Bible emphasizes Joy, and not happiness, as a priority. This linked article describes the difference between Joy and Happiness in more depth if you are interested. This lesson aims to explore a more nuanced understanding of ‘happiness’ and how it intertwines with our faith and spiritual journey.

In Karl Pillemer’s book “30 Lessons for Living”, the author shares his research about why older Americans are generally happier than younger ones. He interviewed hundreds of people in their 70s and 80s and their number one lesson was that life is short. The older the respondent, Pillemer said, the more likely they were to say that life passes by in what seems like an instant.

Here is a list of the most common responses Pillemer found:

• Say things now to people you care about whether it’s expressing gratitude, asking forgiveness, or getting information
• Spend the maximum amount of time with your children
• Savor daily pleasures instead of waiting for big ticket items to make you happy
• Work in a job you love

The list of things they said weren’t important was equally revealing:

• None said that to be happy you should work as hard as you can to get money
• None said it was important to be as wealthy as the people around you
• None said you should choose your career based on its earning potential
• None said they regretted not getting even with someone who slighted them
• And the biggest regret people had was worrying about things that never happened

Pillemer’s most important takeaways were that happiness is a choice that requires a conscious shift in outlook; you can decide what to pursue in life. You can decide what’s a priority for you.

But to understand why we’re discussing happiness in a Christian setting, go back and look at the lists above more closely. If we believe Jesus’ words that the most important things are 1) loving God and 2) loving people (Matthew 22:37-40), you can start to see the true wisdom and, most importantly, the connection to God that’s reflected in the words of these older Americans.

The top responses in the first list are focused primarily on love, people, presence, and gratitude. The “not-important” list includes things that could arguably be categorized as modern-day idols like working excessive hours, money/wealth/income, limitless career aspirations, revenge/fairness, and worry.

So then, today’s lesson is not really about choosing happiness, it’s about choosing God. When we choose modern-day idols, we are separated from God, but when we choose love, people, and gratitude, we are drawn closer to Him. I personally don’t believe it’s a coincidence that the first list above just happens to reflect actions that draw us closer to God. I believe that no matter how many idols we worship in our life, in our heart we know who our Father is and, the older and wiser we get, the more we naturally want to say no to the idols and yes to God!

Questions

1. Do you believe that Karl Pillemer’s conclusions above on happiness seem logical/reasonable? If so, were you surprised at the responses?
2. Do you agree that the responses in the second list primarily fall into what could be called “modern day idols”? Why or why not?
3. How does the realization that life is short influence your daily decisions and priorities? Discuss how this perspective aligns with Christian values.
4. Do you agree that the first list above draws us closer to God and the second list may distract us from God?
5. How does the Christian faith help in coping with regrets and worries, especially about things that never happen? Discuss the role of faith in overcoming these negative thoughts.

Daniel 6 (Daniel and the Lion’s Den) tells a story not just of miraculous survival, but of God’s protection in the middle of tough times. Often, we conceive our relationship with God as a shield from life’s lions’ dens. However, a closer look at Daniel’s story reveals a different narrative — not of a God who saves us FROM the den, but one who saves us when we are IN the den.

God never promises us a life free from trials but He does promise that He will always be with us. The lions’ den experience, as lived by Daniel, wasn’t an absence of divine intervention but a testament to God’s sustaining power amidst the danger. This account holds profound implications for our spiritual journey, teaching us that God’s work within us often transpires in the midst of turbulent challenges.

Daniel 6:22 says “My God sent his angel, and he shut the mouths of the lions. They have not hurt me, because I was found innocent in his sight…”

Here, we find God’s reassuring message: He is present with us, as He was with Daniel, not as an observer, but a protector, encourager, and supporter in our most difficult times. When we are in the “lion’s den of life”, God’s presence can often be most profoundly felt and his guiding hand in our lives most actively on display.

Imagine losing a big deal or receiving a disheartening medical diagnosis. These can be crushing moments, but they are not ones in which God has abandoned us. These are times when our faith is revived, purified, and strengthened.

Daniel’s story isn’t an assurance of trouble-free living; it’s a reminder that in the lions’ den of life, we are not alone. God walks with us and protects us. As we walk among the lions, the promise of Isaiah 41:10 comes to life: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

1. Reflect on a time you felt you were in the lions’ den. How did that experience change you or your faith?

2. What role does our faith play in God helping us through difficult times? Does is matter if we have strong faith vs. significant fear & doubt? Will His response be the same either way?

3. How can our approach to life’s lions’ dens become a testimony to others about the sustaining power of God?

4. In looking ahead, how can we prepare our hearts and minds to lean into God’s presence and trust Him more deeply in future trials?

We’re trying something new to see how it works. This link takes you to a video I made for my Radical Mentoring group but then thought it might also be worth trying to use this as a lesson for our group.

To supplement the video, here is a verse from James about praying for knowledge:

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. – James 1:5

The next few verses after this one say you have to truly believe that God will grant wisdom to get it. If you have any doubt, He will not grant it. In order to move closer to understanding God’s perspective, we need to continue praying for wisdom with confidence and with no doubt.

After you watch the video, here are some questions to discuss:

1. In Job 38, God does not directly address Job’s complaints, but instead showcases His own immense power and His plan. Why do you think God chose this approach?
2. Following up on the last questions, when God starts off with His own plan, what does that reveal about His character and about our place in His creation?
3. James 1:5-8 emphasizes asking God for wisdom without doubting. Why do you think doubt can hinder our ability to receive from God? How does this relate to the concept of faith?
4. Can you recall a time in your life when you, like Job, questioned what was happening around you? Did you find solace in recognizing a larger plan or purpose, or was it a struggle to do that?
5. Often, when we seek answers from God, they may not come in the form or timing we expect. Can you share an experience where God’s answer was different from what you anticipated, yet it was precisely what you needed?

Today we’ll discuss Community vs. Commitment. Often, we hear leaders in all types of organizations lamenting the lack of commitment. However, the true essence of Christian commitment lies not just in attendance but in fostering a thriving, loving community. Here is our scripture for the day, which is from Hebrews 10:24-25:

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.

The Craving for Community: In our fast-paced, often isolated world, people yearn for connection and community. It’s a universal desire, one that transcends age, culture, and background. We seek community for support in times of need, for celebration in times of joy, and for a sense of belonging in times of loneliness.

True Commitment is Born in Community: While commitment to attending church services is essential, it is only a part of the broader commitment to Christian community. As believers, our commitment should be rooted in love for one another and a desire to grow together in faith. The Apostle Paul beautifully captures this idea in Colossians 3:14, “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

In a thriving community, commitment flows naturally. People attend not out of obligation but because they genuinely care about their fellow members. They understand that their presence and participation contribute to the well-being of the community as a whole.

The Shift from Attendance to Engagement: Leaders and members can foster a culture of commitment by shifting the focus from attendance metrics to the quality of engagement within the community. Instead of asking, “How many were present?” we should ask, “How deeply were we present for each other?”

Encouraging Small Groups and Personal Connections: One way to nurture commitment through community is by promoting small groups and personal connections. The men of Northside have done a good job of this by scheduling and promoting lots of activities and groups. These settings provide opportunities for members to share life’s ups and downs, pray for one another, and grow in their faith together. It’s in these intimate gatherings that commitment flourishes.

True Christian commitment is not about filling pews but about filling hearts with love and belonging. It’s about fostering a community where people are drawn not by duty but by the desire for genuine connection and spiritual growth. And, by first focusing on community, the commitment to attending will follow.

Questions

1. How would you define the word “community”?
2. Do you agree that most people place a very high value on community? If so, why?
3. In your opinion, is it more effective to tell people to be more committed or to build a strong community that is naturally attractive to people?
4. What are some elements of an effective community and what are some things we can do to encourage more of a community around us?
5. What would likely happen to a church/group/class if they hyper-focused on building a vibrant community?

James 2:14-26 covers the topic of faith and works. Typically, you will hear this referred to as “faith VS. works” but I think “AND” is better in this case, which we’ll cover today. Please take a few minutes to read that passage before proceeding.

To avoid any confusion, this is not about salvation. We are saved solely through declaring our faith in Jesus as described in Ephesians 2:8 and explained in #1 of the post in this link.

The topic of faith vs. works has ignited debates and discussions for centuries, but we find clear guidance in James 2:14-26. In reviewing this scripture and topic, we can see the intricate relationship between faith and works and the implications it holds for our Christian walk.

In his letter, James clearly and succinctly covers the essence of faith and works. He questions, “What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds?” (James 2:14, NIV). This question underlines a crucial truth: genuine faith is not a passive belief but an active force that ignites transformation.

Illustrating this, James employs the example of a person who offers mere words of compassion to a needy brother or sister without offering any help. He asserts that such “faith”, without corresponding actions, is lifeless. Instead, true faith naturally leads to good works, just as a healthy tree bears fruit.

We could also use the example of praying for an improved golf game (yes, that’s ok) without scheduling lessons and practicing consistently. Likewise, seeking God’s blessings for our family’s well-being without actively striving to learn and grow as fathers or husbands falls short of genuine faith. These are just two examples of how relying solely on prayer without putting in the effort amounts to having a hollow faith. Our faith is authenticated by our actions.

James’s message isn’t a call to rely solely on works, but a reminder that works are the natural outpouring of a living, vibrant faith. Just as a vibrant tree’s fruit is a testament to its health, genuine faith is validated by the transformation it brings forth in our lives.

Questions:

1. Did today’s topic add to your understanding of the topic of faith and works? Did you have any previous misconceptions that this topic addressed?

2. Can you think of real-life examples, aside from the ones mentioned, where relying solely on faith without corresponding actions might lead to an incomplete or ineffective outcome?

3. How does the understanding of faith as an “active force that ignites transformation” affect the way we approach challenges and opportunities in our lives?

4. Share an instance from your own life where your faith has spurred you to meaningful actions. What did you learn from that experience about the relationship between faith and works?

For all of us, uncertainty is a reality. As followers of Christ, we find peace and guidance in His teachings, offering us a firm foundation during life’s uncertainties. Below are three ideas that can anchor us as we navigate an unpredictable world.

1. Trusting in God’s Sovereignty:

In a world filled with uncertainties, we find peace by acknowledging that God is in charge. As Christians, we understand that He holds all things in His hands. He knows the end from the beginning and has a divine purpose for each of us. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” By entrusting our lives to God’s care, we can let go of anxieties and embrace His perfect plan for us.

2. Finding Hope in Christ:

In the face of uncertainty, our hope rests in the unchanging character of Christ. Hebrews 13:8 assures us, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Despite the shifting circumstances of life, Jesus remains our constant source of hope and strength. Through His sacrificial love, we are assured of eternal life, a hope that transcends the temporal nature of this world. As we fix our eyes on Jesus, we find comfort, encouragement, and the courage to face each day with confidence.

3. Living with Purpose:

While life may be uncertain, our purpose as followers of Christ remains constant. We are called to love God with all our hearts and to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39). Our purpose is to shine the light of Christ into the darkness, to show compassion, and to share the hope we have found in Him. By living a life centered on Christ, we find meaning even in uncertainty. We can trust that God will guide us and use our lives to impact others for His glory.

By trusting in God’s sovereignty, finding hope in Christ, and living with purpose, we can navigate the uncertainties with strength. In God’s hands, uncertainties can become stepping stones to something better if we view them that way.

Questions:

1. The first idea above says to “let go and let God”. Even though this is a simple concept, do you still find it difficult to give your anxieties to God sometimes? If so, why do you think we struggle with that idea?
2. The verse above from Hebrews talks about how Jesus is unchanging. Why is that so important as we attempt to navigate life’s uncertainties?
3. #3 above talks about how even though life can be uncertain, our purpose remains constant (love God, love people). How can you apply this concept to help reduce the stress and anxiety of uncertainty?
4. Based on today’s lesson, what is one thing you might do this week to help deal with life’s uncertainty?

I want to start with a question that may seem simple, but has potentially deep meaning for many of us: “What gets the best part of your day?” When you first wake up, do you grab your phone to check financial markets, social media, and emails? If so, it’s possible that you are setting yourself up for a day filled with more challenges than necessary.

As Christian men, we are called not just to believe in God, but to put Him at the center of our lives. And if we are going to live our lives like that, we need to start our day the right way. But why are those first few minutes so important? I’m not a doctor or scientist (and didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night) but from what I’ve read, it’s because our minds are fresh, our spirits are renewed, and our bodies are rested. In that crucial time, what we choose to focus on can shape the trajectory of our entire day.

That brings us to our verse for the day:

Psalm 5:3 says, “In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.” There’s a powerful message in these words. The Psalmist knew the value of presenting his day before God, first thing in the morning. It’s not that we are forbidden from engaging with the world. But our day should start with a declaration that God is our priority.

We are not just followers of Christ; we are His ambassadors in a world that desperately needs His touch. Our actions, our words, our attitudes – everything we are – should reflect His nature. Of course, we all fall short of that goal at times but, when we give God the first and best part of our day, we are stating clearly where our loyalty lies. We are showing that we value His voice above all others. We are declaring that His wisdom is more important than any insight the world can offer.

When we begin our day with Him, we align ourselves with His will, and as a result we can be more confident as we navigate our day. And, in addition to honoring God, we will live more fulfilling and impactful lives.

Questions:

1. Do you believe that the way we start our day has a significant impact on the way the rest of our day turns out? Why or why not?
2. Based on today’s lesson, if you were designing the perfect start to your day, what would that look like? What activities, how long, etc?
3. Instead of starting our day with prayer and reflection, why is not just as effective to schedule some time during the day for these activities?
4. If this is such an easy concept and the benefits are so clear, why doesn’t everyone just start their day in prayer and reflection? Why is it not just that simple?

Life can be a roller coaster of emotions, with unexpected challenges and trials. When we find ourselves going through difficult situations, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and anxious. However, we have the assurance that God is always with us and will help us through any challenge if we turn to Him.

In Psalms 9:9-10, we read that “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.”

This verse reminds us of a message we have heard many times – we can trust God. But those words are easy to say and hard to follow. I think the trick to finally saying “no” to anxiety is to keep focusing again and again on this message and looking at it from different angles.

For example, when we are physically exhausted during a tough workout, we push through because we know we’re getting stronger. Because we know the discomfort will produce good results, we don’t get anxious. But when we face life’s roller coasters, we tend to start to worry. Unlike our mindset during a workout, it’s easy to forget that God uses challenges to shape us and make us stronger.

So, should we approach life’s trials with the same attitude as we do a workout, knowing that God uses these challenges to shape us? We all know the answer is “yes” but, again, this is easier said than done.

God’s ultimate purpose for our lives is to bring us closer to Him. This means that, if we believe today’s verse and trust Him, He will use tough times to help us grow spiritually and become more resilient.

So, the next time you hit a high-anxiety moment, take a break and consider how God might be using that experience to draw you closer to Him. We are never alone in our struggles. God is with us every step of the way, and He will never leave us or forsake us.

Questions:

1. Do you agree with the comparison between life’s challenges & a workout, specifically the idea that we should look at them both as ways to get stronger?
2. During challenging times, why is it so difficult to focus on where God is moving instead of going straight to anxious thoughts? Could it just be a matter of habit or is it something more complicated than that?
3. In your experience, what are some of the main things people worry about?
4. If we train ourselves to think first of God’s plan during difficulties, how can that help us and the ones we love?

On this Easter Friday, I wanted focus on what we can do to show our gratitude for Jesus’ perfect gift of salvation. No verse better describes this gift than John 3:16, which says:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

In a perfect act of mercy, Jesus offered us complete salvation with his death on the cross. That gift has been fully given. It is done. It cannot be given any more completely. There is absolutely nothing we can do to earn more of it. But, what can we do to express our gratitude?

To answer this question, imagine a parent who gives all their wealth and possessions to their child. In this scenario, the child is not required to do anything to inherit the parent’s fortune. They don’t even have to call or show up for birthdays or holidays to get the fortune because it’s been fully given.

In the same way, Jesus’ gift of salvation doesn’t require that we do anything to receive it other than accept it. We don’t have to impress Him with our good deeds because He has already given us everything.

But this doesn’t mean we should become complacent in our spiritual journey. In fact, this beautiful gift should inspire us to grow closer to Him every day and walk more in His ways.

So, when I think about how to give back even a small portion of what Jesus gave me, I like to think about what I appreciate most as a parent. If you do something nice for me, that’s good, but if you do something nice for my child or say something nice about them, then you will have a special place in my heart. I believe God thinks the same way about his children, so to show our gratitude this Easter, let’s renew our commitment to love others and say nice things about them.

Questions:

If the gift of salvation has been fully given and can’t be taken away from us, why do we keep showing up at church, praying, and reading the Bible?

Although we can’t earn our salvation, are there other blessings/gifts we can receive by following God’s will?

Do you agree that one of the best ways to express our gratitude for salvation is to love others and say nice things about them?

What are some things we can do this Easter weekend to show our gratitude to Jesus?