Men's Small Group Blog

Thanks to Dr. Kriegel for inspiring today’s topic which relates to how we as Christians manage stress.

Today’s scripture is from James 1:2-4:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James is telling us to lean in to difficulties instead of running from them and to try to find the positive value in every situation no matter how stressful.  Here are two examples:

• You have a co-worker who creates lots of drama and stress in the office.

Worldly view: I really don’t like being around this person.  I am going to look down on them and gossip about them.

Christian view: I can’t control their behavior but I can control how I treat them and how I respond to others in the office who gossip about them.  This is helping me practice patience and kindness.

• Your child causes a very bad auto accident, injuring the other driver who initiates civil legal proceedings.

Worldly view: What are we going to do?  We can lose everything!  I can’t sleep because I’m frightened of the uncertainty that the future holds.

Christian view: This is a good reminder that I’m not in control.  I’m grateful for the humility that this situation has created.  Instead of living in fear, I’m going to continue to try to see where God is moving in this situation.

For any given stressful situation at home, work, or in the community, we can utilize this practice.    While we cannot always control our circumstances, our response is completely within our control and it is always possible to find ways that God is moving in our lives.

Here are a few questions related to today’s topic:

• What is causing the most stress in your life?
• From a Christian perspective, why is so important to put stress and trials in the proper perspective like James did?
• Can you think of a situation in your past that was stressful at the time but that you now realize has been very helpful to you in some way?
• Are there situations in your life that are stressful now but that may help you in the future?
• When you leave here today, what is something you can do to be like James and find joy in the trials in your life?

Today’s verse is from Romans 2:1 and is one of my favorites because it is so clear, so real, and so simple.

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.

Kind of hard to argue right?  Basically, the message is that I’m a sinner so how can I judge others?  In Paul’s words, I “have no excuse” for judging.  But somehow I still find myself judging others quite frequently.

Do any of these sound familiar…..he or she is too fast, too slow, too big-picture, too detailed, too short-term oriented, too long-term oriented, too cheap, too frivolous, too flashy, too plain.  And that just scratches the surface!  It doesn’t even touch on political differences which are, at least in my lifetime, at an all-time low point.

Judgement is for God and God alone.  Our calling is, at the highest level, to Love God and Love people.  Judging others is in direct conflict with both of these essential commands.

When you judge others, you are either right or wrong about your assessment.  If you are right, then the person you are judging may have issues that they are struggling with in which case they need your love, not your judgement.  If you are wrong, then you are wrong and nothing else needs to be said about that.

The point of discussing this as Christian men is that we must strive to tame our ridiculous desire to judge others.  We must strive to be a shining light to the world and to others, especially to those who God puts in our path so that we can be a source of love and encouragement to them.  We can only truly be the hands and feet of God when we act in His spirit.

Will you choose patience, love, and respect over judgment, animosity, and criticism?

Questions:

• In your experience, what are some of the most common judgements people make about each other?
• Why do you think judgment is highlighted so prominently in the Bible as something to be avoided?
• Do you find that people tend to judge their family and close friends more or less than others? Why or why not?
• What are one or two things you can decide to do right now that will help you be more loving and less judgmental?

Many of us wonder at times why God created us or what our purpose is.  It is a very natural curiosity.  If we were competing in a sporting event, it would be good to know how to win the game.  Or if we were going to build something, it would be helpful to know what the finished product is supposed to look like.  In the same way, when we are playing the “game” of life, it is normal to check in on occasion and figure out 1) if we are on course and 2) if we’re making good progress.

As Christians, we are fortunate that Jesus gave us a great starting point for answering these questions.  In Matthew 22:37-40 He tells us the two most important things we are supposed to do:

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Just that simple, right?  Love God, Love people.  Yes, sort of, but there is a more to the story which can be described with another sports metaphor.

Let’s say that you are in high school and everyone at your school is required to play a sport.  If you are very tall and coordinated, you may think about playing basketball.  If you are smaller but very fast, you might make a good running back or maybe a sprinter on the track team.

Similarly, in our effort to love our neighbor, we will be more effective if we first identify our spiritual gifts.  Here is a link to a great explanation of spiritual gifts that includes a list of all of the gifts in the Bible.  In short, these are special talents that each of us has been given by God.

As examples, if your gifts are “missions” and “administration” then you may be best suited to help coordinate various types of missions.  Or if your gifts are “teaching” and “leading” then you should focus your efforts on developing and leading teaching ministries.

There are hundreds of surveys online to help you determine your spiritual gifts.  Here is a good one created by the Methodist Church.

Once you know your gifts, you’ll be better equipped to Love God and to Love People and move closer to becoming the man God created you to be.

Questions:

• Have you ever taken a spiritual gifts survey? If so, what are your gifts?
• Whether or not you know your spiritual gifts, do you feel like you’ve been consistently attracted to certain types of service or ministries?
• Why is it important to understand our spiritual gifts?
• Is it a bad thing to volunteer or serve in ways that are not directly related to your spiritual gifts?
• Based on today’s lesson, what are some things you can do to make sure you are on track and making progress in the game of life?

Dr. Burch shared a powerful message last Sunday morning about the importance of worshiping together with other Christian believers as opposed to worshiping alone.  Related to this message, our verse today is from 1 Corinthians 26.

When you come together, each of you has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. Everything must be done so that the church may be built up.

In this verse, Paul (the author of Corinthians) is telling us that each person has something to offer everyone else and that together we are more powerful and effective than we are on our own.

Some people, though, believe they can just as effectively worship alone by watching an online sermon, reading the Bible, and praying.  Of course these are all important aspects of maturing in Christ but, in order to be at our best and help others be at their best, we also need to get together to worship.

As an example, Dr. Burch talked about coals in a fire and how when they are all together they have a powerful effect.  But if you take one of the coals out and separate it from the others, it is of little use and it will quickly lose its glow.  In the same way, God designed us to need Him and to need other people.

Why do we have business lunches instead of video conferencing while each participant eats at their own office?  Or why do people get together for Thanksgiving instead of eating at their own house?  The answer is very simple – God created us to be in community with others.  And there is no more important community than that of the church.  When we come together to worship, we are like the coals of the fire, burning together to light up our families, our community, and the world.

Questions:

• Do you agree that we are only at our best when we routinely participate in some form of group worship?
• What are some of the obstacles that keep people from participating in group worship more regularly?
• Can you give some other examples of activities that are more powerful and effective when we are together with others instead of by ourselves?
• For those who struggle to attend church or small groups regularly, what are some strategies they can incorporate to improve their attendance?
• Why do you think God wants us to be together when we worship?

Last week we used John 15:1-17 as our scriptural foundation.  This passage is commonly referred to as the parable of the vine and the branches.  We discussed that our job is to stay connected to the vine so that we can bear fruit, ideally “much” fruit.  Jesus is the vine and God is the Gardner.  We are the branches.

As a recap, fruit generally means good works.  It can only be produced by those who abide in Christ who have a God-honoring motive.  In short, it is any action by a believer that pleases God.

Today we’ll cover pruning because it is a very confusing topic for Christians.  A gardener or vinedresser will either prune a branch or cut it off completely:

• If the branch is unproductive it will be cut off completely
• If the branch is productive then it will be pruned to allow for more fruit

Watch this short video about pruning grape vines.  Listen for concepts that apply to today’s lesson: https://youtu.be/H5RPkF4UoGQ

Here is the problem – whether we’re getting lopped off or pruned, they both HURT!  And it is easy to mistake the pain of pruning for the pain of being lopped off.  Example: when we start to make positive changes in our lives and bear fruit, God will honor that and help us grow more fruit by pruning us.  This might come in the form of dropping habits that we enjoy, losing friends that really weren’t good for us, or changing jobs which hurts at first but ultimately allows us to be more fruitful.

In the rear-view mirror, the pain of pruning is often not all that bad because we can see how it helped us grow and develop into better fruit bearers.  But in the moment, pruning can be painful and even frightening.  While very few of us can hope to fully discern the difference between lopping and pruning, it is helpful to know that certain types of pain are actually signs from God that He likes what we’re doing and wants to encourage us to do more of it.

Here are some questions to discuss:

• In your own words, how would you explain why a gardener would choose to prune a branch vs lopping it off completely?
• Do you have any past or current examples of pruning in your life? If so, have you seen an increase in your fruit-bearing as a result?
• This passage can be very challenging to understand but based on today’s lesson and the one from last week, how would you explain it to someone?
• Based on the past two lessons, what is something you need to do to bear more fruit?
• Do you have any first-hand gardening examples of how pruning helped a plant or tree become more productive?

In John 15: 1-17, Jesus gives us one of the clearest messages about how to live our lives and, as he says “bear fruit”.  He boils it down to one command and repeats it twice:

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” (verse 12)

“This is my command: Love each other.” (verse 17)

Jesus starts the parable by saying that He is the true vine, God is the Gardener, and we are the branches.  He says that if we remain in Him and allow Him to remain in us then we will bear much fruit.  This leads to two questions:

• What is fruit? Fruit generally means good works.  It can only be produced by those who abide in Christ who have a God-honoring motive.  In short, it is any action by a believer that pleases God.  Fruit is the result of your effort and labor.
• How do we remain in Him and allow him to remain in us? Jesus says we can only do so “if my words remain in you” and “if you keep my commands”.  A simplified interpretation might be that Jesus wants us to love each other and to read the Bible with the intention for our actions to be God-honoring.

In his outstanding book, The Secrets of the Vine, author Bruce Wilkinson outlines the four stages of fruit-bearing from this passage and gives his estimate of the percentage of Christians in each category.  They are:

• No fruit (60%)
• Fruit (25%)
• More Fruit (10%)
• Much Fruit (5%)

On the surface, these estimates seem a little harsh.  Is it really possible that more than half of all Christians bear NO fruit?   Maybe it is more believable when compared with the filters provided above.  That is, we can only bear fruit if we are consistently abiding in Christ and consistently acting with God-honoring motives.

The last focus of today’s discussion relates to our incentive to be fruit bearers.  Jesus says that we should want to bear fruit so that “my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete”.  And also “so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you”.

Next week, we will continue with Part II of this discussion and cover the pruning process outlined in this passage which causes much confusion in the Christian community.  But for now, here are some questions for discussion:

• Based on your understanding of John 15 and of today’s lesson, what are some examples of “fruit”?
• The passage tells us that, by itself, a branch is useless. So what has to happen for fruit to be produced?
• What is your interpretation of how we remain in Jesus and all Him to remain in us?
• Based on the passage above, how much fruit do you believe you produce?
• Do you believe Bruce Wilkinson’s estimate that 60% of Christians produce no fruit is accurate?

This week we’ll continue with part two of the discussion we started last week from James 1:19-20 which says:

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰ because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

We are going to concentrate our conversation today on the detrimental effects of the political discourse in the country.

If James were writing to us today, he might recommend that we avoid CNN or Fox News or any other news outlet because they all create such destructive divisions in society.  They are all trying to sell advertising by appealing to our most primal instincts.

Worse still are sites like youtube which learn your preferences and feed you more of what you like.  If you search for something negative about Donald Trump, you’ll be fed a series of videos, maybe even one that “proves” Trump is actually an alien robot being controlled by Vladimir Putin.

Search for something negative on Hillary Clinton and you’ll be fed a series of videos that “prove” she is really as bad as you think she is.

We keep watching with the hope that the next article, video, tweet, or Facebook story will be THE ONE that finally crushes our political opponents forever.

If we’re only listening to what reinforces our own opinion then we’re definitely not being quick to listen.  And all of the stories that “prove” our point of view make us angry which is exactly the opposite of what James is encouraging us to do.  In fact, it is hard to even imagine a civil conversation about politics these days because these conversations always seem to devolve into yelling and name calling quickly.

So what should a Christian man do today?  How do we respond to this environment and genuinely work toward being righteous men?

Let’s think about this in more detail by answering these questions:

1. Some say it is important to keep up with the news but where should we draw the line in terms of controlling our inputs?
2. Have you ever “won” a political argument?
3. Do you find that most political arguments end with more peace & love or with more anger?
4. What actions can you take today to be more aligned with James’ suggestion to listen more, speak less, and be less angry?

Today’s verse is from Proverbs 19:8:

To acquire wisdom is to love yourself; people who cherish understanding will prosper.

Think back to a time when you made a “rookie mistake” or an error in judgement that harmed yourself or others.  Maybe it was an email sent in haste or possibly a major life decision made without first gathering enough facts.  Now place yourself in that same situation today and think about how you would handle it differently.

Wisdom and understanding explain the difference between poor decisions of the past and better decisions today.  And these better decisions impact us in very positive ways including improved health, better relationships, and success in business.  All of these things make life better for us and those around us, so it is true that “to acquire wisdom is to love yourself”.

Wisdom can either be acquired through direct experience or through the experiences of others.  Wisdom gained through direct experience is often painful since it may involve making mistakes and having to recover from them.  For example, a speeding ticket may help us remember to drive more responsibly, and hurt feelings resulting from words spoken in haste will remind us to be more patient and kind.

On the other hand, gaining wisdom through the experiences of others is typically less painful.  This can be accomplished by reading or listening to wisdom literature, by participating in wisdom-oriented ministries, or by surrounding ourselves with wise people who can help us make good decisions.

On the surface, learning through the experience of others is the easier ways to gain wisdom but  typically, as Stephen Covey would say, these activities are important but not urgent.  Life pulls us in many directions and there always seems to be something urgent that distracts us from the pursuit of wisdom and understanding.

Whether you gain wisdom and understanding through your own experiences or through the experience of others, doing so is one of the best ways to love yourself.

Here are a few questions to help us dig deeper and figure out how we can better prioritize the pursuit of wisdom and understanding:

• Why do you think it is important to God that we do things to love ourselves?
• While it may be true that it is easier to gain wisdom through the experience of others, some would argue that our own experience creates more of a personal impact and, as a result, is more effective in helping us gain wisdom.  What do you think?
• In your experience, what are some of the best ways to gain wisdom and understanding?
• If it is true that gaining wisdom is important but not urgent, what strategies can we employ to make this more of a priority in our lives?

As we approach July 4^th and celebrate the freedom of our country, it is also a good time to celebrate God’s gift to us of freedom from sin and death.

Today’s verse follows this theme of independence.  Galatians 5:1 says:

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.

Paul, is not saying that the law is bad or evil.  In fact, the truth is completely opposite – all of the law was God-breathed and is still law of the Jewish people.

The problem was that people focused too closely on the “letter of the law” and not the spirit of the law.  Many Jews forgot that their first duty was to love God but many tried to impress others with their knowledge of the law.  For many, the law separated them from God instead of drawing them closer to Him.

God’s first priority is and always has been to draw us closer to Him.  Since the covenant of the law was actually driving people away, His answer was to establish a new covenant, the covenant of the blood.

In order to do so, God came to Earth in human form as Jesus.  He suffered unspeakable pain and humiliation which was followed by His death on the cross.  This is how He bought our salvation and created the Covenant of the blood (His blood).

So now we’re free, right?  Well, not necessarily.  Even though our freedom has been won, we still have to accept it.  Later in chapter 5, Paul talks about other things that could enslave us and separate us from God.  If Paul was writing about this today, he might add social media, politics, certain websites, and materialism as modern-day enslavements.

Truly freedom of any kind isn’t free.  Even our salvation, which is a gift freely offered by God, has to be accepted before we can actually achieve freedom.

• What is your definition of freedom?
• If freedom is so valuable, why do we sometimes seem to welcome slavery in various forms?
• What are some common “enslavements” that keep them from enjoying true freedom?
• What is something you and your family can do on July 4^th to celebrate God’s gift of freedom from sin and death?